What do you do when ….
A third grade student comes into the office and says that they just saw a man in a black and white striped shirt and a black mask, with chains on, just go into the lost and found closet and steal everything and run out the front door of the school? And this all happened right outside the full-length glass door and two windows opposite my desk while I was watching the class line up and his teacher was standing right there.
Simple – you say excuse me and walk into the principal’s office who will take one look at you and ask you if you’re all right and you’ll try to collect yourself enough to be able to actually speak and tell him about the conversation you just had.
Or say when….
A fifth grade teacher calls the office to find out if the band members in her class are supposed to bring their instruments with them to the gymatorium for the winter band concert?
Simple – you ask her, while trying not to be flip, if she thinks they might need them to play the music everyone is waiting to hear.
Or during this conversation when….
A parent walks in to the office and holds up an empty toilet paper tube and says –
“I need to drop this off for my son. You know, you can’t buy these in the store.”
(Be polite. What did she just say!) “Excuse me.”
“You can’t buy these in the store. I’ve been to two stores and no one seems to know where I can get them like this.”
(Don’t you dare snicker. You can’t let her hear you snicker.) “How many did you need?”
“I don’t know, he said to bring in extras in case someone forgot theirs. So I went to the store and I couldn’t find them anywhere. I even asked the guy stocking the shelves and he didn’t know.”
(Damn, the other secretary is snickering. I’m not going to be able to do this.) “Um, you just have to buy the roll of toilet paper and take the paper off. Didn’t they tell you that at the store?”
“Yes, he mentioned that, but I don’t want to do that.”
(Oh dear God, forgive me and don’t let me wet my pants.) “Why not?”
“ What am I going to do with all that paper?”
And you hope that she will make it out the front door before you and the other secretary collapse onto your desks and howl with laughter.