Friday CPR, May 29 - Minnesota Miracle Matzo

One of our fourth grade teachers came into the office after lunch holding up this piece of matzo cracker and quite excitedly exclaiming "Minnesota", "Minnesota."

I asked him what he was talking about and he waved it at me and just said "Minnesota." Then he put it in his mailbox and left the room.

That's when I took a picture of it.

Later that afternoon he came to collect it. We teased him and told him he needed to preserve it somehow.

I asked him if he nibbled it that way and he said no, that it broke off quite by accident.

In his words "Some people find the Blessed Mother in things, I find Minnesota."

So we dubbed it the Minnesota Miracle Matzo.

I'll let you know if we actually have any miracles any time soon.

Friday, May 22 - Drama on the Playground

A student aide comes into the office this morning to tell us that there is a rather gruesome scene unfolding on the playground. In the far corner near the woods and well away from the ball fields there is a mother deer fending off turkey vultures that, it is assumed, are after her fawn. All this is happening while the gym teacher is testing the students in their mile run at the other end of the field. Needless to say, they are all panicked.

There are about 20 vultures circling the playground. Another group of eight has found a place to view the course of events in an ivy-covered dead tree on an adjacent lot. Those that are not in the air or in the tree are stalking the deer with their wings spread like they are about to engage in a group performance of the paso doble.

As they advance on the mother she charges, but she is careful not to get too far away from what she is protecting. This goes on for some time until finally some of the vultures lose interest and fly off. The mother retreats into the shady woods and continues to stand guard. Several of the vultures remain in the tree evaluating the situation. One has to wonder if maybe they are eyeing up a small child. The gym teacher is certainly counting heads.

The principal touches base with the teachers who will have playground duty during recess to let them know what is transpiring. Keep the children away from that area he warns.

Third grade lunch goes off without a hitch. However, during fourth grade lunch, while the children watch from a distance, a couple of aides and a teacher decide to check things out. (They really know how to listen!) They tell the children that the fawn was hit by a lawnmower and the vultures are eating it and there’s not much left.

This may be the course of nature, but by the chatter and noise level that was heard in the hallways when the students met their teachers after recess, it has left many distressed.

I’m sure that we will be getting calls from parents wondering why we even allowed them to go outside.

Friday, May 15 - Teacher Appreciation Day at the Range

During the month of May Teacher Appreciation Day is celebrated in many schools. Usually we get flyers from bookstores, educational toy stores, and perhaps some local restaurants. But this time we got a flyer from a rifle and revolver club.

"Teachers Day at the Range" is being advertised as free to educational professionals. You have to be 18 years old (I think you'd be hard pressed to find any under the age of 18), and you must pre-register. During breakfast and registration, they're offering a free breakfast, and besides the breakfast all equipment and lunch will be provided.

They will have certified instructors on hand for lessons and instruction in five shooting disciplines: Modern Firearms, which includes pistols, rifles, and shotguns, plus archery and muzzleloading rifle.

Oh, and there will be goodie bags and door prizes!

I'm wondering if they let you bring your own targets?

Darn, I already have plans for the weekend.

Friday, May 8 - Bend and Stretch?

The husband of one of our teachers came to visit this week. He brought his niece and nephew with him - toddlers - and they were all going to go out for lunch.

When the teacher came to the office at lunch time, one of the busiest times in the office with parents coming in and out to do lunch duty, and students always around somewhere, she welcomed them warmly. Then she bent over to pick up the little boy. Something quickly changed her mind and she stood upright. She then asked her husband for his sweatshirt. He gave it to her and she tied it around her waist.

I saw her bend over the counter on the other side of the room and say something to the secretary but I couldn't hear her over the noise. When she left, the secretary told me what the teacher had said to her and she was laughing.

The teacher bent over the counter to say that she couldn't believe that she just split her pants. The secretary offered her a needle and thread, but she said "You don't understand. I'm wearing a thong." Thank goodness he came to her rescue with that sweatshirt!