I had the task of calling home for a student who was absent and whose parents had not reported the absence on the absence line today.
I dialed the number and this is what I heard -
"You have reached and answering machine. Please call back."
Friday, March 2 - Who's Late?
School starts at 8:30. Well, the first bell rings at 8:30 and the students huff it in off the bus. By the second bell at 8:35 they're all supposed to be in their homerooms, or in the case of our 5th graders, at their lockers. The front doors are closed and inevitably within the next minute the doorbell will ring.
Parent: (approaching my counter with his daughter in tow) She's not late is she?
Me: Yes sir, when the second bell rings the student is late.
Parent: Oh, was that the second bell?
Me: Yes.
Parent: Well, she's not late really. We were working on her homework project from last night and lost track of the time. So she's not really late.
Me: Sweetie, who is your homeroom teacher.
Student: Mrs. So-and-So.
Me: Here's your late pass.
Parent: (approaching my counter with his daughter in tow) She's not late is she?
Me: Yes sir, when the second bell rings the student is late.
Parent: Oh, was that the second bell?
Me: Yes.
Parent: Well, she's not late really. We were working on her homework project from last night and lost track of the time. So she's not really late.
Me: Sweetie, who is your homeroom teacher.
Student: Mrs. So-and-So.
Me: Here's your late pass.
Friday, February 17
When I get the time - sometime soon I hope - I will talk about why I haven't been here on Friday CPR for a while. Right now though, I'm thinking that I need to find the humor again, so here goes.....
Valentine's Day! Everyone wears red. The students bring in Valentine cards for their classmates. The parents bring in treats for the students and every now and then a truck will pull up in front of the school with a delivery.
Ah, it's the UPS guy again. What's he got today? Could it be the file folders that are on backorder or the pencil sharpeners? It might be a Scholastic book order, but it's not a Scholastic box. You always know when it's a book order by the box.
So when the UPS man delivers a box that says 1-800-FLOWERS on the box, the last thing I expected to be asked when I entered the faculty room was "Are there flowers in there?"!
No. Hamsters.
Valentine's Day! Everyone wears red. The students bring in Valentine cards for their classmates. The parents bring in treats for the students and every now and then a truck will pull up in front of the school with a delivery.
Ah, it's the UPS guy again. What's he got today? Could it be the file folders that are on backorder or the pencil sharpeners? It might be a Scholastic book order, but it's not a Scholastic box. You always know when it's a book order by the box.
So when the UPS man delivers a box that says 1-800-FLOWERS on the box, the last thing I expected to be asked when I entered the faculty room was "Are there flowers in there?"!
No. Hamsters.
Friday, April 23 - The Apology
This was shared with me by a teacher who had reprimanded a third grader for hitting another child. She had him write a letter of apology.
Dear .............................,
I'm sorry for touching you. I could
made another choice. 1 count backward from 10
2 think of something plesant. 3 Drain my
anger out 4 find somthing to punch. But
for my disison was I diserve a punishm
ent, and this is my diserve missing
resses. I know what I did is wrong
and I hope I choose something else
to do if I'm angry. You are a great
friend and I respect that . I know you
will be a great leader and make the
world a better place. Follow good deeds
and orders and you will be a great
leader. I bileve in you, forever.
Wish you luck!
PS Hope you find this note exepible
for the apoligey.
Sensealy,
.............................
Dear .............................,
I'm sorry for touching you. I could
made another choice. 1 count backward from 10
2 think of something plesant. 3 Drain my
anger out 4 find somthing to punch. But
for my disison was I diserve a punishm
ent, and this is my diserve missing
resses. I know what I did is wrong
and I hope I choose something else
to do if I'm angry. You are a great
friend and I respect that . I know you
will be a great leader and make the
world a better place. Follow good deeds
and orders and you will be a great
leader. I bileve in you, forever.
Wish you luck!
PS Hope you find this note exepible
for the apoligey.
Sensealy,
.............................
Friday, April 16 - What's It Gonna Cost Ya?
After those hand blow dryers were installed in the student bathrooms to cut down on costs - and mess - one little girl came out of the bathroom and told the aftercare workers -
"Do you know they charge a quarter for a paper towel now?"
If she put a quarter in she'd be very disappointed. It's empty. It's the Kotex machine that hasn't been used in years due to grade level changes in the school. It's still there on the wall though. Much easier that way. Then no one has to patch the wall, or paint it for that matter. Just a piece of metallic history.
"Do you know they charge a quarter for a paper towel now?"
If she put a quarter in she'd be very disappointed. It's empty. It's the Kotex machine that hasn't been used in years due to grade level changes in the school. It's still there on the wall though. Much easier that way. Then no one has to patch the wall, or paint it for that matter. Just a piece of metallic history.
Friday, April 9 - I See Dead Squirrels
A call to the office:
Teacher: "Just wanted to report there's a dead squirrel next to the gazebo."
Secretary: "Okay. We'll get the custodian to remove it."
Secretary calls the custodian on the walkie-talkie: "There's a dead squirrel next to the gazebo."
Custodian: "Okay. I'll take care of it."
Custodian calls the secretary: "Where did you say the squirrel was?"
Secretary: "Between the school and the gazebo. Why?"
Custodian: "I don't see any dead squirrels."
Secretary: "Let me call the teacher."
Secretary to teacher: "Where did you see the squirrel? The custodian can't find it."
Teacher to class: "Class, where did the squirrel go?"
Class: "The custodian took it."
Teacher to secretary: "They said the custodian took it."
Secretary: "He didn't take it. He can't find it."
Teacher: "Well, they TOLD me it was dead."
What I wanted to say: "And you called without looking?"
Teacher: "Just wanted to report there's a dead squirrel next to the gazebo."
Secretary: "Okay. We'll get the custodian to remove it."
Secretary calls the custodian on the walkie-talkie: "There's a dead squirrel next to the gazebo."
Custodian: "Okay. I'll take care of it."
Custodian calls the secretary: "Where did you say the squirrel was?"
Secretary: "Between the school and the gazebo. Why?"
Custodian: "I don't see any dead squirrels."
Secretary: "Let me call the teacher."
Secretary to teacher: "Where did you see the squirrel? The custodian can't find it."
Teacher to class: "Class, where did the squirrel go?"
Class: "The custodian took it."
Teacher to secretary: "They said the custodian took it."
Secretary: "He didn't take it. He can't find it."
Teacher: "Well, they TOLD me it was dead."
What I wanted to say: "And you called without looking?"
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