Friday, June 26 - Solitaire?

(Sorry, this originally posted without editing - hope you take the time to read it corrected.)

It's the last week of school.

The marking period ended two weeks ago.

Even the students are tired of watching movies.

The teacher walks into the room, puts the movie on and sits at her desk.

She pulls out a deck of cards and starts playing solitaire.

A bored and inquisitive 8th grader walks up to her desk and asks:

"Teacher, why are you playing solitaire all by yourself?"

High School look out!

Friday, June 19 - End of the Year Circus

It's been a very busy week in our office. We're almost to the end of the school year (two more days after today). I call it circus time because there's at least three rings of action going on at any given moment.

In the office there's a multitude of end-of-year paperwork. Keys, IDs, and plan books have to handed in. Attendance reports have to be done. All the rosters for next years' classes have to be typed, copied, and distributed - but not too soon or the information will leak. Information leaks happen all the time. It's part of the circus atmosphere that I call the Center Ring.

Class parties are a daily event. Parties mean visitors. Visitors mean doorbells. Doorbells mean continual interruptions. Food deliveries have to be refrigerated. Teachers want to take their classes outside. Ring two events are in full swing.

Parents, as well as students, seem to forget the rules. Walking right into the cafeteria without checking in at the office becomes a regular occurence. Calling the office for dismissal changes instead of putting it in writing means more phone calls. More phone calls mean more interruptions. Ah - here we have the third ring.

It is for these reasons above, and many more not mentioned, that I keep a jar full of clown noses on my desk at this time of year. When it gets really crazy, and I get really punchy, I just threaten to start passing the noses out.

Yep it's circus time. And speaking of the circus, this was heard in my daughter's 8th grade classroom recently.

"Miss M, I'm going on vacation soon."

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"I'm going to Las Vegas, and I'm going to see Circus Ole!"

Friday, June 12 - Got Splinters?

A fifth grade boy walks into the office after recess looking for the school nurse.

"Is the nurse here or at lunch?"

"She's eating lunch now. Why do you need her?"

"I have wood chips in my underpants."

(this is me now talking to myself - okay, you have to dig in now. you can't smile. you can't laugh. it is funny, but you must not laugh!!! speak now, but don't laugh.)

"Can't you just go to the boy's room and empty them out?"

"No. They are literally in my underpants!"

And then he sits down.

(okay, get up and go out the back door and get the nurse before you lose it)

Friday, June 5 - Number Please

There are days that I hate the interaction I have with parents and then there are those that just crack me up.

Take for instance the mother who came in this week with something her daughter had forgotten.

With a smile on her face she plopped the bag down on the counter and mumbled under her breath “I’m gonna kill her.” To which I said in jest – you can do whatever you like, but please don’t tell us.

She then went on to tell me that it’s okay. She’s threatened them before. And when they threaten to call DYFS on her, she tells them to make sure that “DYFS keeps you for at least four weeks!”

And then she hands them the phone.